Me and My Ego

The other day, while sitting on the edge of the pool, I noticed the guy in the next lane putting in some serious yards. I jumped in and began my warm-up, swimming side-by-side with my neighbor. His pace was definitely something I took notice of. Swim pace is tough to gauge when out of the water, but here we were, swimming side-by-side. He was fast! My heart rate jumped and my effort became more intense each time he passed me. I kept saying to myself, “Your just warming up…Your just warming up.” It was tough to control my ego.

Lets call this guy “Boy Wonder.” Whenever Boy Wonder would creep up on me I’d consider fighting off his pass. I eventually told myself that I’d give an effort to hang with him after my warm-up. It didn’t take long to realize that Boy Wonder was a much better swimmer then me. It was a tough pill to swallow.

It just ate me up that he was so much better then me. I thought “should I ask if he’s swimming with the Rec. Center Masters group?” My mind was going a million miles an hour. I certainly didn’t appreciate what Mr. Wonder was doing to my ego. My workout was going to be super intense if I didn’t switch lanes. Maybe taking myself completely out of the situation would be the best thing.

By the time I began my main sets, Boy Wonder was water running. “Relief, at last,” was my thought. I’d be able to get through my workout in one piece. I noticed that he was looking over at me in the pool. I couldn’t help but think that he was admiring my stroke. After all, my “all out” 1 minute 35 second 100 yard effort is something a lot of athletes would die for (I’m not serious). We eventually found each other at the end of our respective lanes as we both finished up an interval. Boy Wonder gave a big grin and everything is suddenly defused. Turns out it was my good friend Dustin. Tension went away and I was able to accept my punishment.

Dustin and I had a good conversation about triathlon training, as we always do. I eventually told him about how I felt jumping into the lane next to him. Yes, I told him EVERYTHING: The frustration. The ego. The realization of brutal punishment. He could only laugh and state that he was doing an “all-out” one mile TT effort. Dustin was pushing it hard, and assured me the pace I experienced was not his normal race pace. To bad he didn’t warn me before I jumped into the lane next to him. I’ll forgive you, Dustin.

This has lead to some internal dialogue that I frequently have. It will typically come into my head when I get passed by another athlete, whether I’m swimming, cycling or running. “I can hang with this guy (or gal).” “I’m not going to let them go.” Writing this frequent thought makes me squirmish, because it shows my lack of maturity and my desire to “show my stuff,” no matter what my plan is. This is why I avoid group rides and why my wife discourages them. They always end up being ego trips where athletes continually flex their muscle, showing that they can hang and/or punish the group. I tend to come home from these sessions absolutely shelled…in a bad way. Have you ever come home from a group workout, barely able to function because you’ve ridden so hard for so long? They tend to ruin the rest of the day for me. I’m sure TriHive readers handle these sessions better then I can.

I recently had an interesting chat with Utah pro triathlete, Marcel Vifian. Marcel said that he typically will only train with women, because there is no ego involved. He feels women make great training partners that support his goal to be his best on race day. For Marcel, being a training hero doesn’t pay his bills. So, he trains smart leading up to the race, which may be a “slower” pace at times. He saves his best efforts for race day. Another pro that I follow, Gordo Byrn, recently stated in his blog at www.gordoworld.com “Don’t benchmark yourself off anyone that fails to do every meter of your weekly program (especially your running).”

I’m not saying that Boy Wonder (that’s you, Dustin) is not being smart. I’m saying that I’m not being smart. I shouldn’t compare myself to others and focus on being my best for race day, when the results matter most. There is a lot I need to learn. Letting go of the pressure I felt when swimming next to Dustin will not be easy, but it must be done. I need to remind myself that I have my plan, and I shouldn’t let outside factors (i.e. Dustin’s swim effort) dictate my training objective.

So, when you pass me at the pool, during my bike or during my run please be gentle. My ego is fragile. If you would, please slow down a hundred yards or so before you pass me, and pick up your pace again about 100 yards out. Breathe heavily too. My ego can’t take it any other way.

Happy Training,

Alex McKinley

Editor